Guest blog - 'Dear-friends-who-are-already-married'

I'm honoured to have one of my best and longest friends (who wants to remain anonymous) write a guest post for my blog.  You know who you are - thank you for joining in this 'relationship status' conversation!

Dear friends-who-are-already-married (or who-are-heading-in-that-direction) 

I am so pleased that you have found someone to share your life with and who makes you happy. It brings me so much joy my friend to see you smile; relax in the company of one who accepts you just the way you are; be looked after and taken care of, sometimes (though maybe not as often as you would like!) before you even have to ask. 

There is a little part of me that is sad... I will not be the first person you turn to anymore. I will miss the times that we have supported each other spiritually in prayer because you have someone else to pray with now. We have shared so many experiences but because I remain single I might not be able to give you the empathy or advice that you need in the challenges you face in your new partnered life.

When you tell me that, “God has good things planned for you”, I know you mean well. But it sounds a little like you don’t think my life is up to much right now. That somehow God’s plan for me right now, which doesn’t seem to include a ‘special someone’, is wrong. That somehow He’s messed it up. 

I believe His plan for my life is perfect. I might take some wrong turns every now and then, but I do believe, and know by His grace, that these too can be redeemed. Whether that means that He has a ‘special someone’ for me... well let’s face it, neither you nor I know that for sure. But He has promised that His grace will be sufficient for all my weaknesses, and while I often neglect Him and search for comfort elsewhere, I know He will never let me down.

Most of me isn’t sure that marriage will ever happen for me... a little tiny part of me really wishes that it would. So, just in case, rather than feel sorry for me... or imply somehow that I’m missing out... I would really love you to model it for me... how a husband could ever love his wife “just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her”... or how a wife submits to her husband as she does to the Lord... how as a ‘two’ you are able to serve God so much better than you ever could have as individuals... how you raise your family... how you continue to include those you hold dear in different aspects of your life no matter their marital status.

And perhaps we can continue to show Christ to each other, and grow together in faith, hope and love. 

With love from your friend 

 I can't help agreeing with my friend.  Singleness is so misunderstood and and mishandled, particularly by the church.  I think people who have been single for a long time can appreciate to some extent the challenges of relationships and marriage, because it is something that most single people are hoping will happen for them.  However people who have been married for a long time seem to forget what it was like to have been single, or maybe if they married very young, they never really experienced singleness.

If you are married and have single friends, please remember that you still need them and they still need you. They need you to be open to understand their lives, and to be open to share yours.  If sometimes your single friend seems a bit prickly, please show them grace and love because their heart might be breaking.  And if you are finding the going tough in your marriage, be honest with your single friend about it so they can support you and pray for you.

We live in a very broken world, and although some might argue that marriage is God's ultimate will for men and women, the truth of life here on earth is that it will not happen for some people, or it may happen but turn out to be a lot less than you dreamed it would be.  God is with us here in this broken world though, and our challenge is to walk well with Him in every area of our lives, whatever our relationship status.